Have you ever felt like your heart seems to explode? Where your hands and feet are all cold and sweaty? And you just can’t seem to breathe? Like there’s something inside your chest that’s blocking all the oxygen and blood from flowing all over your body? Have you ever felt numb? Not only on the outside, but something like the numbness that you’re feeling is within you. Like every tissue and every cell that composes your body just lost control. It’s like they lose every feeling and every emotion.

I have never felt like this in my entire life. I have never felt so hurt. So numb. So lost. But I know I shouldn’t. I know I don’t have the right to feel this way. I know this is the most ridiculous feeling I’ve ever had. And that’s what makes it more painful.

Don’t get me wrong. To tell you the truth, I am happy. I am happiest now than any other day of my entire life. But it is true that whoever makes you happiest is the one who can give you the most pain.

I am insane. Because I want to. Because I have to. Because I need to be insane so I can be happy. I know I’m not making any sense now. But maybe one day, I’ll have the guts to write about it. To finally tell the whole story. But as of now, let me just rant and cry and write non-sense while I am feeling non-sense.


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