..an ounce of leftovers..

I am hardworking! I know that! It has been me eversince I learned to walk and talk properly. I do things on my own. I could still remember, as a 7 year old kid, while my classmates have this nice letterings in front of their folders as projects, I have a scribble on mine. Which by the way I created and spent the whole night trying to make it look like a Pro. With flowers and balloons and hearts, coz that’s all I can draw. But it would still look like a rug compared to my classmates’, which by the way was created by their dads. My Mama won’t do my projects for me. She would tell me to do my projects and assignments on my own. She would tell me that if she’d do it, then that means I have to stay home and do the chores and she’d go to school. Switch places. Switch names. And mama’s name is Milagros. I don’t wanna be called Milagros. J

So there. This is me now! A 25 year old lady who do things on her own. My mom would always nag that I am hard headed. Whew! Who trained me? Who’s to blame now? Ha ha ha… But it is something I am very proud of. A girl who can stand up on her own.

On one of our heart to heart talk, which is very few, my Papa told me that he didn’t love me less than my sister. He just loved me differently. I felt a little jealous then because they are very protective of my little sister but they would always let me be. I enrolled myself during high school. Talked to the school principal when I wanted to transfer from a Science High School to a Laboratory High School. I always do things alone. Decide on my own. They were never there. They would never accompany me. But things are different with my little sister. They would always attend homeroom meetings for her, never missed one. But they never attend mine. As per our school rules, only parents or guardians can get the classcards. But I am always an exception. My adviser would give mine to me because nobody would get it for me. Good thing I’ve been a good girl on school and never had to go to the guidance office. Or my report cards would rot in my adviser’s desk. But my Papa say’s, they need to guide my little sister because she need it. Me, on the other hand have always managed to do things on my own. My Papa said I’m good with that. They could leave me in the middle of the desert and I could still find my way home. But my sister, leave her in the middle of Paco Market and you’d find her still there. Waiting for you to come and fetch her. And my Papa say’s, “Besides, you never listened.”

Yeah! I never listened. I never did.

But I worked hard. I make sure that I stick to my decision and convictions. I make sure that I’d never regret anything that happened in my life. I could never blame anybody anyway. I make sure I give everything my best shot. So if it won’t work, I know it’s not because I just couldn’t but because it was never meant to be. Now, I am working hard again. That’s my weakness. I tend to give more than 100% of my time and energy into my work or projects or whatever, that I’d forget to get a life.

Hmmmm… I miss my family. I miss my baby brothers, my sister, my Mama and my Papa. It’s almost his birthday and I wanna be with them. I miss them so much. L