.rumblings.

Loads of those! That’s what I always do these days…

Rumbling – def. The sound of complaint; Deep and slow sounding

Deep! Hell yeah! Very deep complaint! From my bone marrow to every fiber of my being, that’s what I always seem to do. Complain! But I do not shout it out to the world, like I used to. Now I make hush sounds that I cannot spit out. Too afraid that I might hurt her….hurt her more! Although I am more hurt in the process. In the first place, I didn’t do this on purpose. If only she could grow up and be a little more mature, maybe like a ten year old should. Then maybe, just maybe, things would be different. Somehow….

I’d never regret a single thing. All that that happened for the past months are things that I am so glad that happened. I learned. I am who I am because of those. I am not perfect. That is something I have accepted a long time ago. And I am glad of my imperfections. And I am still proud to be me. Still proud to be the little imperfect Aubrey that I am.

There used to be a time when I thought…”ah! Finally!” But now, my “ah! Finally!” seems like a far away dream again. I told a new friend, I am as clear as the water from the imburnal! Right now, I felt like I stumbled on the imburnal. Face down! And my “ah! Finally!” is there…but instead of giving me a helping hand, my “ah! Finally!” laughed and left me. There… on the imburnal! With no one but the smell and feeling of unimportance…………………………………………….